Subject: Escargots a la Bourguignonne and French Bread
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Dec 23 2002 - 02:22:50 EST
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FOOD FUNNY
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Thanks once again to "DRSPAGHETI" for this bit of Christmas cheer:
Tequila Christmas Cake
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit
Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the
tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one
cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still
OK. Try another cup... just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the
fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a
drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next,
sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift
the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of
sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn
the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to
beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat. CHERRY MISTMAS!
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TODAY'S RECIPE
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So many readers asked for the recipes from the fabulous dinner my
mother cooked last week that it was clear that I had to publish them
or risk being tarred and feathered and ridden out of Recitopia on a
rail. Here is the menu:
Monday's Starter
Escargots a la Bourguignonne and French Bread
Tuesday's Soup or Salad
Tomato Consomme
Wednesday's Side Dish
Chipotle Mashed Potatoes and Endive and Walnut Salad
Thursday's Entree
Beef Wellington
Friday's Dessert
Chocolate Rum Mousse
I have published this recipe twice before, first as part of a "My
Favorite Recipes" theme in April, 1998, and again as part of a "Best
of World Wide Recipes" theme in January, 1999. If any of my recipes
deserve to be published again, this is the one because it is simply
one of the best dishes in the world. I have also included my mother's
recipe for French bread to sop up the juices.
In spite of my contention that "escargots (snails) can be bought,
complete with empty shells for serving, in most supermarkets in the
US," we had a devil of a time finding escargots here in rural Georgia.
Although this has never been a problem in the past, six different
supermarkets were unable to fill our order. With only two cans (about
24 escargots) in her pantry and eight eager and expectant gastronomes
to feed, my mother added a small tasting of smoked Scottish salmon
garnished with triangles of buttered brown bread, a wedge of lemon, a
grinding of fresh black pepper, capers and cornichons, and topped with
a dollop of lumpfish caviar alongside the bubbling escargots. We all
agreed that the combination of what would ordinarily have been two
separate courses was a masterwork of improvisation.
Escargots a la Bourguignonne
12 Tbs (180 ml) unsalted butter
1 1/2 Tbs (23 ml) finely chopped shallots
1 Tbs (15 ml) finely chopped garlic
1/2 Tbs (8 ml) finely chopped parsley
2 tsp (10 ml) salt
1/2 tsp (2 ml) freshly ground pepper
24 canned snails*, rinsed and drained
*Canned escargots (snails) can be bought, complete with empty shells
for serving, in most supermarkets in the US.
In a small bowl mix the butter, shallots, garlic, parsley, salt and
pepper until the butter is soft and the ingredients are thoroughly
combined. Put about 1/4 tablespoon (4 ml) of the butter in each
shell, followed by a snail, and then another 1/4 tablespoon (4 ml) of
butter. Place on individual oven-proof serving dishes and bake in a
400F (200C) oven for 10 to 15 minutes, until the butter begins to
bubble. Serve with crusty French bread (baguette) for sopping up the
sauce. Serves 4.
In my humble opinion, the perfect French baguette is beyond the grasp
of the home cook, and indeed, most professional bakers as well. There
is just no way the home baker can replicate the thick, crunchy crust
and light, airy crumb without the special flour and ovens used by the
French masters of the baguette, but this recipe makes a very
acceptable version of what is commonly known as "French bread" with
less time and effort than you might expect.
French Bread
1 Tbs (15 ml) sugar
1 package (1/4 oz, 7 g) yeast
2 cups (500 ml) lukewarm water
6 cups (1.5 L) all-purpose flour
2 tsp (10 ml) salt
2 Tbs (30 ml) melted butter
Dissolve the sugar and yeast in the water in a small bowl and allow to
proof for 15 minutes. Sift the flour and salt into a large mixing
bowl and form a well in the center. Stir in the water mixture and
beat in an electric mixer with dough hooks or knead on a lightly
floured surface until the dough is smooth, about 15 minutes. Transfer
to a lightly greased bowl and allow to rise in a warm place until
doubled in volume, about 90 minutes. Form into 3 loaves about 16
inches (40 cm) long and place on a lightly greased baking sheet.
Brush with melted butter and cut 5 or 6 diagonal slashes in the top of
the loaves with a sharp knife. Cover with a dish towel and allow to
rise until doubled in volume, about 90 minutes. Bake for 15 minutes
in a preheated 400F (200C) oven for 15 minutes. Reduce the heat to
350F (180C) and bake an additional 30 minutes, until golden brown.
Cool on wire racks. Makes 3 loaves.
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