Summerlands

"Elders Ads"*

*FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired
beauty, slim, 5-4 (used to be 5-6), searching for
sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.
Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
 

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who
has just buried fourth husband looking for
someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting,shortness of breath not a problem.

 
SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,
sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If
you are the silent type, let's get together, take
our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

************************************************

"Summerlands"*

*A Pagan died and, much to her surprise, found
herself at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. He
walked up to her and said, "Hello, and welcome."

She stared at St. Peter in complete confusion.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I was supposed to
end up in the Summerlands."

He smiled. "Ah, you must be one of our Pagan
sisters. Follow me, please."

Peter gestured for her to follow him down a small
path which went through the gates and down a
bit to the left. They walked for a short while, then
he stepped back and gestured her forward.

Looking past his hand, she saw the verdant fields
and forests of her desired Summerlands. She saw
people feasting, dancing, and making merry, exactly
as she expected. While shaking her head in wonder,
the Pagan happened to glance over to one side and
saw a small group of people a short way away from
the edge of the Summerlands. The people in the group
were watching the revelers, but not joining them.
Instead, they were screaming and weeping piteously.

The Pagan looked at St. Peter. "Who are those people?"

St. Peter replied, "Them? They're fundamentalists.
They're a bit surprised to see you all there, so they
stand there and carry on like that all day."

"Why? Don't they have better things to do?"

Peter leaned conspiratorially toward her. "They don't
really have a choice. They're actually in Hell. G~d
doesn't like being told what He thinks."
Received on Sun Jan 17 08:21:47 2010