Tips For Rednecks

"Martha Stewart's Tips For Rednecks"*

*GENERAL

1. Never take a beer to a job interview.

2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.

5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the
will, it is still considered rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:

1. When decanting wine from the box, make sure
that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as
not to "bruise" the fruit of the wine.

2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it
with your hands.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME:

1. A centerpiece for the table should never be
anything prepared by a taxidermist.

2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no
matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE:

1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this
is a job that should be done in private, using
one's OWN truck keys.

2. Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

3. Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

4. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social
no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's
jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
Received on Mon Feb 22 07:08:38 2010