A Woman's Dictionary

"A Woman's Dictionary"*

*Airhead (er*hed) n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled
over by a policeman.

Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he
just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v.
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,
chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated
the meat and cleaned everything up but he, 'made
the dinner.'

Blonde jokes (blond joks) n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n
Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to
make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget
to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never
be able to duplicate again.
....Also....see 'Magician'.

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space -- if he goes in, he
isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus.... breath...
 push..."

Amnesia (am*ne*sia) n.
An ability of a woman who has been through labor
to have sex again.

Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your
mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!

Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, 'to go somewhere and
neck'. After children, a noun meaning a place with a
swing set and slide.

Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and
children. Also see...'Tranquilizers'.

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner,
diamonds and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower or swim, but will not come
off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n
The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash,
 then end up doing it yourself ... anyway.
Received on Sun Feb 21 20:12:05 2010