Eve's Problem

"Entrance to the Kingdom of Heaven"*

*A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.
Ahead of him is a woman who's dressed in sunglasses,
a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter
addresses this woman, whose name is Emily. "Who are
you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you
to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The woman replies, "I'm Emily, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to Emily, "Take
this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven,"

Emily, the taxi driver, goes into Heaven with her robe and
staff, and it's the minister's turn.

He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow,
pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty- three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take
this cotton robe. and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That woman was a
taxi driver and she gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you
preached, people slept; while she drove, people prayed."

******************************************************

"Eve's Problem"*

*Eve was sitting in a corner in the garden. "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"I know that You created me and provided this
beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals,
as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"And why is that Eve?"

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create man for you."

"Man? What is that Lord?"

"A flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat,
and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll
be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. I'll
create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical
needs. He will be witless, and will revel in childish things
like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be as
smart as you, so he will also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows,
"but what's the catch Lord?"

"Well, you can have him on one condition."

"And what's that Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, so
you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. And
it will have to be our little secret -- you know -- woman to woman."
Received on Sun Dec 19 11:28:18 2010