A Mother's Dictionary

*"A Mother's Dictionary"

*A - ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at
both ends and is now growing in the middle.

B - BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family,
believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.

C - COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and
wastes hours.

D - DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom
can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.

E - EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFUL THINKING."

F - FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home
after curfew.

G - GUM: Adhesive for the hair.

H - HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.

I - INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

J - JUNK: Dad's stuff.

K - KISS: Mom's medicine.

L - LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture
where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and
paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and
ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and
next a profit of 15 cents.

M - MAYBE: No.

N - NAIL POLISH: part of an assortment of make-up
items such as lipstick, eyeliner, blush etc. which
ironically make Mom look better while making her
young daughter look "like a tramp."

O - OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.

P - PANIC: What a mother goes through when the darn wind-up swing stops.

Q - QUIET: A state of household serenity which occurs
before the birth of the first child and occurs again after
the last child has left for college.

R - REFRIGERATOR: Combination art gallery and
air-conditioner for the kitchen.

S - SPOILED ROTTEN: What the kids become after
as little as 15 minutes with Grandma.

T - TOWELS: See "FLOOR COVERINGS".

U - UNDERWEAR: An article of clothing, the cleanliness
of which ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

V - VACATION: Where you take the family to get away
from it all, only to find it there, too.

W - WALLS: Complete set of drawing paper for kids
that comes with every room.

X - XOXOXOXOXO: Mom salutation guaranteed to
make the already embarrassing note in a kid's
lunch box even more mortifying.

Y - "YIPPEE!": What mother's shout the first day of school.

Z - ZUCCHINI: Vegetable which can be baked,
boiled, fried or steamed before kids refuse to eat it.
Received on Fri May 8 15:13:38 2009