Sending Cigars

"Sending Cigars"*

*A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of
money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case,
I'll be ruined!"

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A
stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He
might even hold you in contempt of court."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a
decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant
left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks
for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!"

Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we
would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But I did send them.", replied the man.

"What?" shouted the lawyer?

"I sure did, that's how we won the case... good
thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."

**************************************************

"Twelve of the Most Terrifying Things to Hear" *

*The dentist says, "This will not hurt a bit."

The IRS announces, "We are simplifying the tax forms."

Your lawyer says, "This is an air-tight case -- you cannot lose."

Your stockbroker says, "This little drop in the market is just a minor
correction."

Your physician says, "You are in great shape -- you will live to be 100!"

Your business partner says, "Nothing can possibly go wrong."

Your best friend says, "Trust me -- I will never tell a soul."

The directions on a do-it-yourself kit say, "Even a child can do it."

Your colleagues say, "We are behind you 100% -- we will back you up."

Someone giving you directions says, "You cannot miss it."

The airline pilot announces, "Just a bit of turbulence folks -- nothing
to worry about."

A voice on the telephone says, "Congratulations! You are an instant
winner!"
Received on Tue Mar 10 07:35:45 2009