Causes of Arthritis

"Causes of Arthritis"*

*A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a
subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was
stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out
of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading.
After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned
to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and
a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered,
returning to his paper. The priest, thinking
about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading
here that the Pope does."

******************************************

"Late Law Degree"*

*An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death
was near, he called his lawyer. "I want to become
a lawyer. How much is the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll
be dead soon, why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree.
His lawyer was at his bedside, making sure his
bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of
coughing and it was clear that this would be the
end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said,
"Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted
to get a law degree so badly before you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old
man said, "One less lawyer . . ."
Received on Wed Jun 17 06:07:37 2009