Heavenly Process

"Heavenly Process"

A young man dies and goes to Heaven, where he
finds he is third in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter
is taking a much-needed break, so an angel is
admitting the newly arrived to Heaven.

The angel tells the three new arrivals that because
so many drug dealers and other criminals have
managed to sneak into Heaven that St. Peter must
now be a little stricter with the screening process.
Each person is required to state his former occupation
and tell his or her yearly salary.

The first man in line says, "I was an actor, and I
earned $1 million last year."

The angel says, "Okay, you may enter."

He turns to the woman in line and asks her about
her life. She states, "I earned $150,000 as an attorney."
The angel thinks for a moment and then lets her in, too.

He turns to the third one in line and asks, "What have
you done with your life?"

The man replies, "I earned $8,000 last year . . ."

"Oh," the angel interrupts. "What did you teach?"

****************************************************

"I Got The Lumber"

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new
construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole
for a long time. I'm afraid someone will break dey leg,
so I fix de hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phydeaux, he ain't
never had no place to get outta de weather, so I made
him a doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So,
you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to
get outta de weather either, so I made a two car garage."

Priest: "Now this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always wanted a bigger
house. So I added two bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK, that's definitely too much. For your penance
you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know
how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father, but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."
Received on Sat Jan 3 18:41:13 2009