Train Accident

"Train Accident"*

*In a terrible accident at a railroad crossing, a train
smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred
yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the
driver took the train company to court. At the trial,
the engineer insisted that he had given the driver
ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth
for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly
demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed
his story, and the suit was dismissed.

"Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer
when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination."

"Thanks," he said, "but he sure had me worried."

"How's that?" the lawyer asked.

"I was afraid he was going to ask if the darned lantern was lit!"

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"Wisdom"*

*Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at ex-lovers, and miss.

Cooking lesson #1: Don't fry bacon in the nude.

Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you for the rest of the day.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a
water gun and shoot other people in the eyes.

If you're not part of the solution, start another problem!

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick boxing.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

Never buy a car you can't push.

Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you don't have a leg to stand on.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Received on Sat Dec 5 17:19:13 2009