Fishing Drunk

"Fishing Drunk"*

*A drunk decides to go ice fishing, so he gathers his
gear and goes walking around until he finds a big patch
of ice. He heads into the center of the ice and begins to saw a hole.

All of sudden, a loud booming voice comes out of the
sky, "You will find no fish under that ice."

The drunk looks around, but sees no one. He shrugs and
starts sawing again. Once more, the voice speaks, "As
I said before, there are no fish under the ice."

The drunk looks all around, high and low, but can't see
a single soul. He picks up the saw and tries one more time.

Before he can even start cutting, the huge voice
interrupts: "I have warned you three times now. There are no fish!"

The drunk is now flustered and somewhat scared, so he
asks the voice, "How do you know there are no fish?
Are you God trying to warn me?"

"No," the voice replied, "I am the manager of this hockey rink."

****************************************************

"Ghostly Drive"*

*Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking,
jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple
of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger
window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed,
"Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!"

The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in
the window. The passenger rolled his window down
part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"

The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"

The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and
yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror.

A few minutes later they calmed down and started
laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what
happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."

All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the
window and the old man reappeared.

"There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled
down the window and shakily said, "Yes?"

"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked.

The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!"

They were flooring the gas at about 100 miles an
hour, trying to forget what they had just seen and
heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping.

"Oh my G~d! He's back!" The passenger rolled
down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?"

The old man gently replied, "You want some help getting out of the mud?"
Received on Mon Dec 15 19:04:20 2008