Assets and Liabilities

"Assets and Liabilities"

Years ago, when I was in 6th grade, we were
studying financial terms (as much as a 6th grader can).

The teacher asked the class, "What is the
difference between liabilities and assets?".

A voice from the back of the room replied, "If you
have too many liabilities, your assets in jail!"

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"New Word Definitions"

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University
of Pennsylvania.

*Contractor -* A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

*Low Bidder -* A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

*Project Manager -* The conductor of an orchestra in which every
musician is in a different union.

*Critical Path Method -* A management technique for losing your shirt
under perfect control.

*OSHA -* A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine
print, red tape, split hairs and baloney--usually applied at random with
a shotgun.

*Strike -* An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

*Completion Date -* The point at which liquidated damages begin.

*Liquidated Damages -* A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

*Auditor -* Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the
wounded.

*Lawyer -* Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.
Received on Tue Apr 8 08:40:24 2008