New Rules For 2008, Part II

"New Rules For 2008"
Part II

New Rule #6:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how
much men care about your eyebrows: Do you
have two of them? Good, we're done with eyebrows.

New Rule #7:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's
a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water,
but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored
water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water?
Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's
your flavored water.

New Rule #8:
Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing
a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger
label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time
grandpa figures out how to open it, his a** will be in
the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved
the Social Security crisis.

New Rule #9:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the
bigger the a**hole. If you walk into a Starbucks
and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat,
iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino,
extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One
NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge a**hole.

New Rule #10:
I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding
my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,'
verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want
Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid
who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing
there eating my Almond Joy.
Received on Tue Apr 8 08:41:07 2008