New Rules For 2008, Part I

"New Rules For 2008"
Part I

New Rule #1:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be
just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new
homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out
the stuff you want and having other people buy it
for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version
of pick-pocketing.

New Rule #2:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com !
There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years.
Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I
already know what the captain of the football team
is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.

New Rule #3:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window
unless you're a seagull. People are acting all
shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl
of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What
did you expect it to contain...Lobster?

New Rule #4:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with
their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged.
I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky
bast*rds.'

New Rule #5:
If you shave and you still collect baseball cards,
you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep
sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're
just pictures of men.
Received on Tue Apr 8 08:38:26 2008