Driving Drunk

"Driving Drunk"

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the city one night and, of course,
his car is weaving violently all over the road.

A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight
and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a
minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

**********************************************

"Accident"

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.

"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."

"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim. But where's my husband?"

"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda. "There
was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."

" Oh, Lord no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."

"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."

Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"

" It was terrible, Brenda he fell into a vat of Guinness
Stout and drowned."

"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee!"
Received on Wed Apr 2 07:38:39 2008