Things To Be Thankful For

"Thanksgiving Prayer"

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious and your pies take the prize, and may your
Thanksgiving dinner stay off your thighs.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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"Things To Be Thankful For"

When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework
assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for". Then I'd
spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in
the world that could possibly be; and I'd end up writing down everything
I could think of from G~d to environmental consciousness. But after
having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most
powerful free democracy in the world.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as
saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his
shoes --
which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the
back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the
freeway.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program which will
preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my
son wanders into water in plain disposables,
he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese --
without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of
cereal and their own spit.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college
education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to finish a complete thought without
being interrupted.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to
"cause drowsiness" in young children.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught,
encouraged and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watcher
who let me strip down to pantyhose
and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in
exotic foreign countries so I could
experience a different way of life in a new culture.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down
the driveway to get the mail.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my
loved ones.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for material objects like custom
furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
AFTER CHILDREN : I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good
shoes.
Received on Sun Nov 25 21:30:39 2007