Oil Changing Instructions for (Wo)Men

"Oil Changing Instructions for Women"

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches
3000 since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave
with a properly maintained vehicle.

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"Oil Changing Instructions for Men"

1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for 50
dollars for oil, filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand
cleaner and scented tree.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Dump
in hole in back yard.

3. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

4. Place drain pan under engine.

5. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

6. Give up and use crescent wrench.

7. Unscrew drain plug.

8. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you
in process.

9. Clean up.

10. Look for oil filter wrench.

11. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver
and twist it off.

12. Buddy shows up; watch game on TV. Finish oil
change tomorrow.

13. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

13. Throw oil lift on oil spilled during step 17.

14. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of
clean oil to gasket first.

15. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

16. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of
fresh oil drains onto floor.

17. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

18. Begin cussing fit.

19. Throw wrench.

20. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit
your commemorative Ted Williams plate.

21. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

22. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

23. Lower car from jack stands.

24. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.

25. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to
fresh oil spilled during step 16.

26. Drive car 1/2 quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be
time for another oil change.
Received on Thu Mar 8 11:43:44 2007