Gore Oscar Shocker

"Gore Oscar Shocker"

Supreme Court Gives Gore's Oscar to Bush:
Stunning Reversal for Former Veep!

Just days after former Vice President Al Gore received
an Academy Award for his global warming documentary
"An Inconvenient Truth," the United States Supreme
Court handed Mr. Gore a stunning reversal, stripping
him of his Oscar and awarding it to President George
W. Bush instead.

For Mr. Gore, who basked in the adulation of his
Hollywood audience Sunday night, the high court's
decision to give his Oscar to President Bush was
a cruel twist of fate, to say the least.

But in a 5-4 decision handed down Tuesday morning,
the justices made it clear that they had taken the
unprecedented step of stripping Mr. Gore of his Oscar
because President Bush deserved it more.

"It is true that Al Gore has done a lot of talking about
global warming," wrote Justice Antonin Scalia, writing
for the majority. "But President Bush has actually helped
create global warming."

In another setback for the former vice president, a group
of scientists meeting in Oslo, Norway today said that
Mr. Gore was growing at an unsustainable rate.

"The polar ice caps may be shrinking, but Al Gore is
clearly expanding," said Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke of the
University of Tokyo.

The scientists concluded that if Mr. Gore continues to
expand at his current rate, he could cause the earth
to spin off its axis by 2010, sending it hurtling into
the sun.

"Here's an inconvenient truth," Dr. Kyosuke added.
"Al's got to stay away from those carbs."

Elsewhere, after foreigners received a record number
of Academy Award nominations, CNN anchor Lou
Dobbs proposed building a 12-foot high fence
around the Kodak Theater.

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"Hillary's Driver"

Hillary Clinton and her driver were cruising along
a country road one evening when an ancient cow
loomed in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it
but couldn't - the aged bovine was struck and killed.

Hillary told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and
explain to the owners what had happened. She
stayed in the car making phone calls to lobbyists .

About an hour later the driver staggered back to the
car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a
half-empty bottle of expensive wine in one hand,
a rare, huge Cuban cigar in the other, and was
smiling happily, smeared with lipstick.

"What happened to you," asked Hillary?

"Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the
cigar, his wife gave me the wine, and their beautiful
twin daughters made mad passionate love to me."

"OMG, what did you tell them?" asked Hillary.

The driver replied, "I just stepped inside the door and
said, I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I've just killed the
old cow. The rest happened so fast I couldn't stop it."
Received on Thu Mar 1 08:35:29 2007