A Woman's Definitions Of Everyday Words

"A Woman's Definitions Of Everyday Words"

ARGUMENT (ar*gyou*ment)n.
A discussion that occurs when you're right, but
he just hasn't realized it yet.

AIRHEAD (er*hed)n.
What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled
over by a policeman.

BAR-BE-QUE (bar*bi*q)n.
You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce,
chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated
the meat and cleaned everything up, but, HE, "made
the dinner."

BLONDE JOKES (blond joks)n.
Jokes that are short so men can understand them.

CANTALOUPE (kant*e*lope)n.
Gotta get married in a church.

CLOTHES DRYER (kloze dri*yer)n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.

DIET SODA (dy*it so*da)n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee)n.
The last two minutes of a football game.

EXERCISE (ex*er*siz)v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting
to make a purchase.

GROCERY LIST (grow*ser*ee list)n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget
to take with you to the store.

HAIR DRESSER (hare dres*er)n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will
never be able to duplicate again. See "Magician."

HARDWARE STORE (hard*war stor)n.
Similar to a black hole in space - if he goes in,
he isn't coming out anytime soon.

CHILDBIRTH (child*brth)n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions;
he gets to hold your hand and say "focus,...
breath...push..."

LIPSTICK (lip*stik)n.
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your
mouth. On his collar, coloring only a tramp would
wear...!

PARK (park)v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere
and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place
with a swing set and slide.

PATIENCE (pa*shens)n. The most important
ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also "Tranquilizers."

WATERPROOF MASCARA (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah)n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not
come off if you try to remove it.

VALENTINE'S DAY (val*en*tinez dae)n.
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner,
diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky
to get a card.
Received on Fri Feb 9 06:55:40 2007