Myths About Dieting

"Myths About Dieting"

by 'George Jungle', spumbummer@hotmail.com
Reprinted with permission.

Diet Myth #1 If you are too drunk to know
what you are eating, the calories don't count

Diet Myth #2 If the cookies are in small
pieces, the calories don't count. Even if
you eat the whole box.

Diet Myth #3 One year ago, when you
weren't on a diet, you ate 3,000 calories
a day and did not gain a pound. Therefore,
if you are on a diet now, you can eat 3,000
calories and not gain any weight.

Diet Myth #4 When you are on a diet, the
4 pounds per week that you gained over
the last 3 months while on a diet eating
3,000 calories per day (see myth #3) is
water weight.

Diet Myth #5 When you lose weight, it's
fat. If you gain weight, it's water (see myth
#4).

Diet Myth #6 The 2 pints of Hagen Daas
ice cream that you ate last night does not
count because you did it with the lights
out so your spouse would not see you.
It's a fact that if you don't see the food, the
calories don't count.

Diet Myth #7 If no one sees you, the calories
don't count (see myth #6).

Diet Myth #8 The 64oz steak dinner that you
got for free because you polished off a 64oz
steak dinner and that hasn't been done at
that restaurant in 2 years did not count
because you were in a contest.

Diet Myth #9 The Cheesecake factory
cheesecake that you ate did not count
because you ate it on your birthday (give or
take a couple of days).

Diet Myth #10 The Thanksgiving dinner did
not count because it was a holiday, even
though you ate all the dressing yourself and
you made (and ate) a Turkey for just you and
you only ate ½ of the pumpkin pie (and ¾ of
the pecan pie).

Diet Myth #11 The three pounds of cookies
you ate last night while watching Survivor did
not count because the people on the show
looked so thin.

Diet Myth #12 The three pints of Hagen Daas
Yogurt ice cream did not count because it was
fat free. (or it would have been if there had
been any in the freezer case).

Diet Myth #13 Since you lost 3 pounds for the
week based on what you weighed in this
morning, the Weight Watchers scale will
show that you lost 3 pounds for the week.

Diet Myth #14 The calories from two Macs,
and the biggie order of fries and Diet coke do
not count because you ordered a diet coke
and a diet coke cancels out all calories.

Diet Myth #15 Even though you ate at Las
Vegas buffets the whole weekend, you were
very good on Monday and Tuesday, therefore
your Wednesday weigh in will show you lost
weight for the week.

Diet Myth #16 The 16 0z prime rib did not
count because you waddled around the
block for 15 minutes after you got home. .

Diet Myth #17 If you forget you ate it,
it doesn't count

Diet Myth #18 Oatmeal chocolate chip
cookies don't count because of the high fiber.

Diet Myth #19 Because you park your car on
the street instead of your garage, the extra
exercise means you will lose an extra 1/2
pound per week.

Diet Myth #20 If it doesn't count, you won't
gain weight.
Received on Sat Sep 9 02:01:09 2006