Snake Eyes

"Snake Eyes"

An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I
need something for my eyes, I can't see very
well these days."

The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses
and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells
the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the
glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered
I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

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"Candy"

A pastor received a box of goodies addressed
to his wife and himself from an elderly lady in
the church. Inside the box was this note...

"Dear Pastor, I know that you do not like sweets,
so I am sending this candy to your wife -- and
nuts to you."

**************************************************

"Groaning Time"

My first job was working in an orange juice factory,
but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but
I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't
suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that
was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced
it, I couldn't cut the mustard.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I
didn't have any patience.
Received on Fri Oct 20 07:30:11 2006