The Bachelor Diet

"The Bachelor Diet"

Monday

Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday?
Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your
teeth
Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers"
- those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime
but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries,
a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the
way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.
Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox Dinner - Six
pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece
Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

Tuesday
Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw
Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and
put dollar and fifty cents in and close your eyes,
push a button and eat whatever comes out
swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at
El Flasho's.

Wednesday
Breakfast - Jaws couldn't eat Breakfast after
a night at El Flasho's
Lunch - Rolaids and a coke
Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house
and beg for scraps

Thursday
Breakfast - Order out for pizza
Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check
Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.
Dinner - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly,
when you get hungry ask the bartender for
olives.

Friday
Breakfast - Eggs, sausage, and an English
muffin at McDonald's. Eat the Styrofoam plate
and leave the food. It tastes better and it's
better for you.
Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder
Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and
asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody
really likes asparagus.

Saturday
Breakfast - Sleep through it.
Lunch - Ditto
Dinner - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and
brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts.
Take them home and plant them in a hanging
basket.

Sunday
Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and half a
Twinkie.
Lunch - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz?
Don't eat Lunch.
Dinner - Chicken noodle soup - Call home
and ask about renting your old room.
Received on Fri Aug 4 00:09:45 2006