How Not To Commit A Bank Robbery

"How Not To Commit A Bank Robbery"

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from
the experiences of a number of would-be
bank robbers.

Pick The Right Bank:
You don't want to make the same mistake
as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to
hold up a bank that was no longer in business
and had no money.

Study Your History:
Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of
Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it
111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just
seven minutes to kill two and capture three
of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984,
and the customers chased the guy down.
They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotians.

Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note
to the teller, and her father, who was in the next
line, got all bent out of shape about it. He
wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him
until authorities arrived.

Don't Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back
of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank
robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing
the name and address of another in Detroit.
And in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back
of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature
and account number.

Don't Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract
attention from her face by wearing a see-through
blouse with no bra while holding up banks.

Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very
heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door.
He was the first criminal ever to be positively
identified by lip-print.

Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who
took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force
Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse
and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the
security men money.

Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in
Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank
at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through
downtown North Adams, where he was
trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous
Newport, RI robber, while trying to stuff his
ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot
himself in the head and died instantly.

Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful
criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who,
when the teller told him she had no money,
fainted. He was still unconscious when the
police arrived. His getaway car parked nearby
had the keys locked inside.
Received on Thu Apr 13 23:16:17 2006