Ponderables

"Ponderables"

Save Your Breath...
You'll need it to blow up your date!

I am a nobody,
nobody is perfect,
therefore I am perfect.

I married my wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!

Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly
by just one busted condom?

"No one ever says 'It's only a game',
when their team is winning."

I gave my son a hint.
On his room door I put a sign "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18".

If carrots are so good for the eyes,
  how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

How come we choose from just two people for
president and 50 for Miss America?

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer,
cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining
about being broke and not feeling well?

On my first day of school, my parents dropped
me off at the wrong nursery.
There I was...surrounded by trees and bushes.

Marriage changes passion...
suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don't
want to see naked?

I mixed Rogaine with Viagra...
now I've got hair like Don King.

I earn a seven-figure salary.
Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

The next time you feel like complaining, remember
Your garbage disposal probably eats better than
thirty percent of the people in this world.

I just got back from a pleasure trip -
I drove my wife to the airport!

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years ...then we met.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's
wise words, "Don't pick that up, you don't know where
it's been."

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my
blood alcohol content.

Home is where you can say anything you like
  'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world,
but it's ok:
they know me here.

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it.
  I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"
Received on Thu Jun 30 07:24:16 2005