Thinking in Court

"Time"

I went to visit my 85 year old neighbor, who
has terminal cancer, in prison. I asked him
what kind of senior citizen robs a bank.

He said he was depressed when his doctor
told him last February that he only had 6
months left. He knew that the judge would
give him 5-10 years and he just wanted
more time. Go figure.

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"You Know You Need A New Lawyer When..."

- When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is,
they high-five each other.

- During your initial consultation he tries to sell
you Amway.

- He tells you that his last good case was a
"Budweiser."

- During the trial you catch him playing his
Gameboy.

- He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."

- Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack
Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.

- He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.

- He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the
defense table.

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"Thinking in Court"

After his motion to suppress evidence was denied
by the court the attorney spoke up,

"Your Honor," he said, "What would you do if I called
you a stupid degenerate old fool."

The Judge, now also angered, revered, "I would hold
you in contempt of court and seek to have you
suspended from practicing before this court again!"

"What if I only thought it?" asked the attorney.

"In that case, there is nothing I could do, you have the
right to think whatever you may."

"Oh, I see. Then, if it pleases the court, let the record
reflect, I 'think' you're a stupid degenerate old fool."
Received on Sat Dec 31 18:25:40 2005