Signs You Might Be Experiencing Menopause

"Signs You Might Be Experiencing Menopause"

1. Hot Flashes:
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Night Sweats:
The person you sleep with complains about snow
piling up on the bed.

3. Mood Swings:
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a
wood stove, he is using you to heat the family
room this winter. Rather than just saying you
are not amused, you shoot him.

4. Memory Loss:
You write post-it notes with your kids names on
them.

5. Irritability:
Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home," and
your reply is, "Well, if it isn't Ozzie frigging Nelson."

6. Sleeplessness:
The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's
Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.

7. Fatigue:
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.

8. Mild Incontinence:
You change your underwear after every sneeze.

9. Sudden Weight Gain:
You need the 'Jaws Of Life' to help you out of your car
after returning home from an Italian restaurant.

10. Dryness:
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.

11. Female Hormone Deficiency:
You take a sudden interest in "Wrestlemania."

12. Hormone Therapy:
You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie
troop on a field trip to Chippendales
Received on Wed Aug 17 08:12:49 2005