Retirement With A Grin

"Retirement With A Grin"

Recently I was checking my 401k account and thinking
about retirement I saw an article about nursing and
retirement homes and the expenses.

Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!

Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188
per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble.
I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.
For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount,
it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast,
lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It
also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special
TV movies. Plus, I'll get a swimming pool, a workout room,
a lounge, and washer and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste,
razors, shampoo and soap. And I'll be treated like a
customer, not a patient.

Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff
scrambling.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp.
Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery,
take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice
restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.

Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the
other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And
you are not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from
Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

  Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress
replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize
for the inconvenience.

  The Inn has a night security person and daily room service.
The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the
undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip,
Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade
you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always
be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation.
The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with
even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most
standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and
satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon.

After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children
(free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or
restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.
Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the
weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids
Eat Free program. You can invite your grandkids over after
school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to
bring more than three friends.

Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend
can keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are
a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you'll always feel
at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same.
And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you
never have to worry about not finding your room -- your electronic
key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is
on duty 24/7.

Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
feasibility of my plan. I'm happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even
offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them
down to $40 a night!

"So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin.

Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!
Received on Fri Nov 26 09:47:29 2004