Etiquette and Decency, 25-32

"Intercourse Etiquette and Decency"
Part IV

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like seawater mixed with egg white.
Not everybody likes it. When she's performing oral
sex, warn her before you cum so she can do what's
necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio.
You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men
ejaculate all over them. In real life, it is disgusting and
a sure-fire way to put an end to your oral fantasies!

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while
she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently
around the torso area, so that she doesn't feel quite so
much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have
a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT
WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able
to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her
first or test the waters with your finger. And don't think
that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll
hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let
her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from pouring honey on her
and licking it off to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props;
hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic sound. It's as sexy as a belching
contest.
Received on Thu Nov 4 06:11:29 2004