Driving Rules

"Driving Rules"

1.) If, at any time, you have witnessed a green light,
      it is okay to proceed through the intersection,
      regardless of the current color of the light.

2.) The shoulder becomes a lane if you are driving a
      Porsche.

3.) If you paid more than $60,000 for your car, you
      automatically have the right of way, regardless
      of the situation. This is especially, applicable
      in parking lots.

4.) Get to know your horn. Use it as often as
      possible.

5.) While driving on the freeway and talking on your
      cell phone, alternate between 45 and 100 MPH.
      This is especially effective if driving in the fast
      lane.

6.) Every lane is the suicide lane.

7.) For parking purposes, all SUVs are compact cars.
      Honest.

8.) If a cop attempts to pull you over, give chase.
      You won't get away, but it's guaranteed you'll
      make live TV. Towards the end of the chase, be
      sure to throw random items out of your window. It
      will give the reporters something to talk about on
      the 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, and 11 o'clock news.

9.) Never use your turn signal, unless of course you
      are on the freeway with no intention of merging.

10.) Totally disregard on-coming traffic.

11.) In case of rain, immediately pull over. You can
      not drive in any sort of precipitation.

12.) While driving uphill, do not down shift. While
      driving downhill, ride your brakes.

13.) When parking on a hill, turn your wheels out, set
      the emergency brake, remove radio face, enable
      the alarm, and put The Club on your steering
      wheel.

14.) On narrow canyon roads, feel free to use the
     center divider as a passing lane.
Received on Wed May 12 10:15:52 2004