Up - Up - and Away! Texas-style

"Up - Up - and Away! Texas-style"

A friend of mine heard this on a pre-flight announcement
from an American Airlines pilot:

"On our flight today, we will be flying at 34,000 feet.
To give you an idea of how high that is, we would
be able to fly over 50 Empire State buildings
stacked one on top the other.

"Our speed will be about 500 miles per hour. That
is just over the muzzle velocity of the standard
military .45 pistol."

"We will be pushed along by two
Pratt and Whitney JT-8D-200 turbofan engines.

While thrust to horsepower varies with altitude,
the total 40,000 pounds of thrust is greater than
the combined power of 10 D-9 diesel locomotives."

"In other words, we're faster than a speeding bullet,
more powerful than a locomotive
and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound
and as always, your Dallas-based crew
stands for truth, justice, and the AMERICAN way!"

*********************************

"Employee Evaluation"

Be sure to read through to the bottom...

1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum:
That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the
report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd
numbered lines.
Received on Mon Jan 5 21:59:21 2004