Worry

"Worry"

Is there a magic cutoff period when offspring
become accountable for their own actions? Is
there a wonderful moment when parents can
become detached spectators in the lives of their
children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in
my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?"
The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident
stage." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a
classroom and heard how one of my children talked
incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for
a career making license plates. As if to read my mind,
a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this
stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy
them." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for
the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front
door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find
themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can
stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just
smiled faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick and tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but
there was a new wrinkle - there was nothing I could do
about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented
by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I could
stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe
that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and
her occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right? Call me
the minute you get home. Are you depressed about
something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of
worry? Is concern for one another handed down like
a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears
of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that
elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying
to me, "Where were you? I've been calling for 3 days, and
no one answered. I was worried." I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.
Received on Sun Jan 4 03:21:35 2004