The Accident Report

"School Note"

"A wise schoolteacher sends this note to
all parents on the first day of school:

"If you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he says
happens at home."

***************************

"The Accident Report"

Here follows a tale of an accident report form filed
by a bricklayer:

"I put 'poor planning' as the cause of my accident.
You ask for a fuller explanation and I trust the following
details will be sufficient. I was working alone on the
roof of a six-story building. When I completed my work
I found I had some bricks left over which later were
found to weigh 240lbs. Rather than carry the bricks
down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by
using a pulley. Securing the rope at ground level, I
went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded
the bricks into it. Then I went down to the ground and
untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow
descent of the 240lbs of bricks. You will note on the
accident reporting form that my weight is 135lbs.

Needless to say i proceeded at a rapid rate up the
side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor I
met the barrel which was proceeding downward at
an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two
knuckles deep in to the pulley.

Fortunately I had regained my presence of mind and
was able to hold tightly on to the rope. At approximately
the same time, however, the barrel hit the ground and
the bottom fell out of the barrel . Now devoid of the
weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately
50lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

I began a rapid descent. In the vicinity of the third floor,
I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two
fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations
of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen
my injuries when i fell onto the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay in pain on the
pile of bricks I again lost my composure and presence of
mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the
empty barrel begin its rapid descent back towards me..."
Received on Sun Jan 4 03:20:58 2004