Chicken Soup For The Beer Drinker

"Chicken Soup For The Beer Drinker"

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink
I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the brewery and all of their
hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this beer, they
might be out of work and their dreams would be
shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I
drink this beer and let their dreams come true than
be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're
going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we
fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo,
let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

Without question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff
Clavin, of Cheers.

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining
the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it
went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of
buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.
And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and
weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This
natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole
group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake
of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first.

In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates
the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more efficient machine. That's why you always feel
smarter after a few beers."
Received on Tue Dec 7 05:26:38 2004