Subject: Sermon Suggestions
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Nov 13 2003 - 23:48:59 EST
"Sermon Suggestions"
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous
he could hardly speak. After mass he asked
the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried
about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a
glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start
to get nervous, I take a small sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous
and took a good drink. He then proceeded to talk
up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he
found the following note on the door:
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred
to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of
him.
When David was hit by a rock and was knocked
off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he
said, "take this and eat it for it is my body." He did
not say, 'Eat me.'
The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary with the Cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-
A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah G~d.
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St.Peter's not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Next time...Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Mon Nov 24 2003 - 09:00:00 EST