Subject: Mother's Position & Job Description
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun May 11 2003 - 02:37:03 EDT
"Mother's Position & Job Description"
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent
work in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must
possess excellent communication and organizational skills
and be willing to work variable hours, which will include
evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on
call. Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless
sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses
not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5 or more. Must be
willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, must possess
the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this
time, the screams from the backyard are not someone
just crying wolf. Must be willing to face stimulating
technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must
screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate
production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients
of all ages and mental outlooks. Must be willing to be
indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated
devices. Must always hope for the best but be prepared
for the worst. Must assume final, complete accountability
for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout
the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can,
ultimately, surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required. On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
Get this: you pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they turn 18
because of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent. When you die, you give
them whatever is left. The oddest thing about this
reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it
and then wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock
options are offered; this job supplies limitless
opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life
if you play your cards right.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Sun Jun 01 2003 - 00:00:02 EDT