Subject: Mom's Special Brownies
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun May 11 2003 - 02:36:29 EDT
"Mom's List Of Things She Does Not Want To Hear"
1. I swallowed the goldfish.
2. Your lipstick works better than crayons.
3. Does grape juice leave a stain?
4. The principal called...
5. But DAD says that word all the time!
6. What's it cost to fix a window?
7. Has anyone seen my earthworms?
8. I painted your shoes pretty, huh Mommy?
9. The dog doesn't like dressing up in your
underwear.
10. I'm running away from home. (Well,
maybe some days.)
*******************************
"Mom's Special Brownies"
Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven
to 375.
Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr., "No,
no."
Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean
cupboards.
Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
Take shortening can away from Jr. again and
bathe cat.
Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches
sustained while removing shortening from cat's
tail.
Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups
sifted flour.
Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open
all doors and windows for ventilation.
Take telephone away from Billy and assure party
on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator
and attempt to have direct dialed call removed
from bill.
Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all
ingredients well.
Let cat out of refrigerator.
Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
Bake 25 minutes.
Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy.
Explain to kids that you have no idea if shaved
cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while
there's still time and he's still able to run away.
FROSTING
Mix the following in saucepan:
1 cup sugar
1 oz unsweetened chocolate
1/4 cup margarine
Take the darn teddy bear out of the @#$%
broiler and throw it away -- far away.
Answer the door and meekly explain to nice
policeman that you didn't know Jr. had slipped
out of the house and was heading for the street.
Put Jr. in playpen.
Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring
constantly for 2 minutes.
Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy
having stuck a garden hose in man's front door
mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet.
Tie Billy to clothesline.
Remove burned brownies from oven.
Collapse and call the baker for delivery.
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