Subject: Thank You For Flying Dufus Air
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Mar 26 2003 - 09:57:23 EST
"Thank You For Flying Dufus Air"
"As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your
tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their
most uncomfortable position."
"Your seat cushions can be used for floatation, and
in the event of an emergency water landing, please
take them with our compliments."
"We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if
you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew
and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person
caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to
leave the plane immediately."
"Good morning. As we leave Dallas, it's warm, the
sun is shining, and the birds are singing. We are
going to Charlotte, where it's dark, windy and raining.
Why in the world y'all wanna go there I really don't know."
Pilot -- "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude
now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off.
Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay
inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside,
and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."
And, after landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business
Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business
as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As we waited just off the runway for another airliner to
cross in front of us, some of the passengers were
beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins.
The head steward announced on the intercom, "This
aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system
that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers
not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to
a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-
searched as they leave the aircraft."
Here are a few heard from Northwest: "Should the
cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the
overhead area. Please place the bag over your own
mouth and nose before assisting children or adults
acting like children."
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all
of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed
evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave
children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We
are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants
in the industry... Unfortunately none of them are on this
flight."
Upon landing hard, one pilot got on the PA system and
said, "Sorry for the hard landing, folks. It wasn't the pilot's
fault, and it wasn't the plane's fault. It was the asphalt."
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Tue Apr 01 2003 - 00:00:02 EST