Subject: New Drugs for Women
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Feb 27 2003 - 18:48:51 EST
"New Drugs for Women"
St. Mom's Wort:
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to
six hours.
Emptynestrogen:
Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how
awful they were as teenagers and how you
couldn't wait till they moved out.
Peptobimbo:
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
Dumerol:
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously
low IQ causing enjoyment of country western music.
Flipitor:
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
Antibyotics:
When administered to teenage girls, is highly
effective in improving grades, freeing up phone
lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
Menicillin:
Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lines as, "You make me want
to be a better person...can we get naked now?"
Buyagra:
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending
spree.
Extra Strength Buyoneall:
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim
may even come home with a Donnie Osmond
CD or a book by Dr. Laura.
Jackasspirin:
Relieves the headache caused by a man who
can't remember your birthday, anniversary, or
phone number.
Anti-talksident:
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used
on anyone too eager to share their life with total
strangers.
Sexcedrin:
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not
now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
Ragamet:
When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging on him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it
herself.
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