Subject: How To Know You're Growing Older
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Apr 02 2003 - 12:23:32 EST
"How To Know You're Growing Older"
-Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't
work.
-The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting
your bifocals.
-You feel like the morning after, and you haven't
been anywhere.
-Your little black book contains only names ending
in M.D.
-You get winded playing chess.
-Your children begin to look middle aged.
-You finally reach the top of the ladder, and find
it leaning against the wrong wall.
-You join a health club and don't go.
-You begin to outlive enthusiasm.
-You decide to procrastinate but then never get
around to it.
-Your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
-You need glasses... to find your teeth.
-A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder
urge.
-You know all the answers, but nobody asks you
the questions.
-You look forward to a dull evening.
-You walk with your head held high trying to get use
to your bifocals.
-Your favorite part of the newspaper is "25 Years
Ago Today."
-You turn out the light for economic rather than
romantic reasons.
-You sit in a rocking chair and can't make it go.
-Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
-You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation.
-You stop looking forward to your next birthday.
-After painting the town red, you have to take a long
rest before applying a second coat.
-Dialing long distance wears you out.
-You're startled the first time you are addressed
as "Old Timer."
-You remember today that yesterday was your
wedding anniversary.
-You just can't stand people who are intolerant.
-You burn the midnight oil after 9 p.m..
-Your back goes out more than you do.
-A fortune teller offers to read your face.
-The little gray haired lady you helped across the
street is your wife.
-You get exercise acting as a pallbearer for your
friends who exercise.
-You have too much room in the house and not
enough in the medicine cabinet.
-Your sink your teeth into a steak and they stay
there.
-You go to the beauty shop so they can touch
up those gray hairs...on your chin.
-When you go to get your hair cut...in your ears.
-When you don't know where the mustache ends
and the nose hair begins.
-When Maalox is your after dinner drink.
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