Subject: The Exam
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jul 29 2002 - 02:29:28 EDT
"Chair"
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one
question final exam after an entire semester
dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go
when the professor picked up his chair, plopped
it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using
everything we have learned this semester,
prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were
filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote
over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute
the existence of the chair.
One member of the class however, was up
and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the
rest of the group wondered how he could have
gotten an A when he had barely written anything
at all.
They found his answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"
**********************
"The Exam"
The setting is Ohio State University about six or seven
years ago in a huge lecture hall (approximately 1000
students) for a Calculus final. Apparently this particular
calculus teacher wasn't very well liked. He was one of
those guys who would stand at the front of the class
and yell out how much time was remaining before the
end of a test, a real charmer. Since he was so busy
gallivanting around the room making sure that nobody
cheated and that everyone was aware of how much time
they had left before their failure on the test was complete,
he had the students stack the completed tests on the
huge podium at the front of the room. This made for
quite a mess, remember there were 1000 students in
the class.
Anyway, during this particular final, one guy entered the
test needing a decent grade to pass the class. His only
problem with Calculus was that he did poorly when rushed,
and this guy standing in the front of the room barking out
how much time was left before the tests had to be handed
in didn't help him at all. He figured he wanted to assure
himself of a good grade, so he hardly flinched when the
professor said "pencils down and submit your scantier
sheets and work to piles at the front of the room."
Five minutes turned into ten, ten into twenty, twenty into forty ...
almost an hour after the test was "officially over", our friend
finally put down his pencil, gathered up his work, and headed
to the front of the hall to submit his final. The whole time,
the professor sat at the front of the room, strangely waiting
for the student to complete his exam."What do you think
you're doing?" the professor asked as the student stood in
front of him about to put down his exam on one of the neatly
stacked piles of exams (the professor had plenty of time to
stack the mountain of papers while he waited) It was clear
that the professor had waited only to give the student a hard
time. "Turning in my exam," retorted the student confidently.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the professor
gloated, "Your exam is an hour late.You've FAILED it and,
consequently, I'll see you next term when you repeat my
course."
The student smiled slyly and asked the professor, "Do you
know who I am?"
"What?" replied the professor gruffly, annoyed that the
student showed no sign of emotion. The student rephrased
the question mockingly, "Do you know what my name is?"
"NO!" snarled the professor.
The student looked the professor dead in the eyes and said
slowly, "I didn't think so", as he lifted up one of the stacks
half way, shoved his test neatly into the center of the stack,
let the stack fall burying his test in the middle, turned around,
and walked casually out of the huge lecture hall.
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