Subject: Some Old Some New, All Borrowed...
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Jul 25 2002 - 11:32:39 EDT
"Some Old Some New, All Borrowed To Make You Blue"
1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backward poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In
feudalism, it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke
it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll
show you A flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is
fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would
result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down
under.
16. He often broke into song because he couldn't
find the key.
17. Every calendar's days are numbered.
18. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it
taint mine.
19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
20. He had a photographic memory that was
never developed.
21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
23. Those who get too big for their britches will
be exposed in the end.
24. Once you've seen one shopping center,
you've seen a mall.
25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in
Seine.
26. When an actress saw her first strands of
gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-
know basis.
28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.
30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the
agony of defeat.
31. The poor guy fell into a glass grinding machine
and made a spectacle of himself.
32. Hear about the man who ran into a screen
door and strained himself.
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