Subject: Welcome To Third Grade
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Dec 06 2002 - 06:07:53 EST
"Welcome To Third Grade"
Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle
gym out there.
It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing.
My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer
"Yes Sir" and "No Sir," and my teacher is a woman.
She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils.
In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words,
one was cool and the other was lousy. I said,
"Cool, tell us the lousy one first."
In science, she asked, "what would happen if
one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?"
I told her his pants would fall down.
She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space
suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear."
In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in
Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and
the other Heathcliff."
And I don't like math at all, there's just too many
problems.
We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we
had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast
beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after
school. The bread was so stale I took it to show
and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the
butter but I don't want to spread it around.
They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On
the outside of the box it said "Do not eat if seal is
broken." Of course ... (these are third grade
jokes, try to keep up)
After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking
tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game.
Now I hate games.
I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in
spelling.
My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same
test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more
time I might pass it.
My teacher knows all the answers, of course,
she makes up all the questions.
But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made
the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list.
Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And
his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything!
Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his
homework. We didn't believe him until his dog
graduated from Yale.
When I get home from school, it takes me about
an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father
helps.
I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought
me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words
to thank him.
My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought
that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable.
I was doing geography homework and I asked him
where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't
know, your mother puts everything away!"
When my father saw my report card, he said I
was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in
history.
Thanks, and have a good day at school !
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