Subject: New York Driving Rules
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Apr 27 2002 - 02:38:38 EDT
"New York Driving Rules"
Turn signals will give away your next move.
A real Long Island driver never uses them.
Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.
Under no circumstances should you leave a
safe distance between you and the car in front
of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody
else putting you in an even more dangerous
situation.
Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-
change is considered "going with the flow."
The faster you drive through a red light, the
smaller the chance you have of getting hit.
Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork.
Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible
to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice,
relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a
chance to stretch your legs.
Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to
provide useful information. They are only there to
make Long Island look high-tech, and to distract
you from seeing the state police radar car parked
on the median.
Never pass on the left when you can pass on the
right.
Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable
during rush hour.
Always slow down and rubberneck when you
see an accident, or even if someone is just
changing a tire.
Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the
landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews
something to clean up.
It is assumed that state police cars passing at
high speed may be followed in the event you need
to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or
the beach.
Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to
change any of the previously listed rules. These
weather conditions are Lord's way of ensuring a
natural selection process for body shops, junkyard,
and new vehicle sales.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Wed May 01 2002 - 00:00:02 EDT