Subject: Men Explained Part II
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Apr 10 2002 - 22:33:37 EDT
"Men Explained"
11. Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think
it's a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly,
it actually still works quite well.
12. What does it mean when men say "I Love You?"
1 Please sleep with me.
2 I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
3 I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
5 What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
6 Stop nagging me.
7 What do I have to do to get a beer around here?
13. Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every
single one of your questions. If we think we do not have
the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we
simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.
14. Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
Besides, we know darn well you'll pick it up.
15. What's with all the belching and passing gas?
This usually only occurs after months of courting.
It's our way to let you know that we're comfortable with
you. Believe it or not, it's actually a sign of affection.
Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives
us stomach cramps.
16. Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather.
We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who
wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we
have no intention of killing? err... Buying?
17. Why can't men ever leave the toilet seat down?
Have you ever seen one of us pee? The proper position
of the toilet seat is up. Mathematically speaking, the proper
position of the toilet seat is a function of the time spent
peeing over the time spent sitting. The closer that ratio
approaches one, the truer the proposition. Besides, it's
actually a courtesy that we lift the seat. Why would we
care if we pee all over the seat. You're the ones that
have to sit on it. You should appreciate the fact that we
actually lift the darn thing. We aim to please.
18. Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde
bimbos are generally much easier to get along (alone)
with. They like having fun and doing exciting things. They
don't walk around with the weight of the world on their
shoulders. They don't ever give us a hard time for being
a dumb male; and plus they laugh at most of our jokes
(even the ones they don't get). What more could any
of us males ask for?
19. Why do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths
of the law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to
be entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to
decide who gets the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
20. Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than
two seconds?
Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the
next channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel
for too long. (See also: Why do men fear commitment?)
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