Subject: Horoscopes For Your Job Position..
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Oct 02 2001 - 06:33:52 EDT
"Horoscopes For Your Job Position..."
1) MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose
a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college,
concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is
pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least
compatible with Sales.
2) SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing
without a degree." You are also self centered and paranoid.
Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money,
you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate
on the big picture." You seek admiration for your golf game
throughout your life.
3) TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal
life, you are instead content to completely control everything that
happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand
what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that
Geeks shall inherit the Earth.
4) ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in
school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed
by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of
all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what
is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome."
5) ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school. You
are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared
person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational
traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are
completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.
6) HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential
information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization.
Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing,
you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a
haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.
7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet
completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current
job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you
tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can
schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers"
as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."
8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT: See above - Same sign, different title.
9) CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty
cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children very few of you
asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset
so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed
over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
10) CONSULTANT: Lacking any specific knowledge, you use
acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have
convinced yourself that your "skills" are in demand, and that you could
get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You
will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without
ever taking direct action.
11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER": As a "person" that profits from
the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually
work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism,
your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with
fluctuations in the stock market.
12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO: You are brilliant or lucky. Your
inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine
suggest the latter.
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