Subject: Rules Of Work
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon May 21 2001 - 03:13:03 EDT
"Rules Of Work"
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait
until 4:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of
a deadline is refreshing.
2. If it is really a rush job, run in and interrupt me
every 10 minutes to inquire how it is going. That
helps. Even better, hover behind me, and advise
me at every keystroke.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you
are going. It gives me a chance to be creative when
someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or
supplies, do not open the door for me. I need to learn
how to function as a paraplegic and opening doors
with no arms is good training in case I should ever
be injured and lose all use of my limbs.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, do not tell
me which is priority. I am psychic.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I adore this office
and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
I have no life beyond work.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. If that
gets out, it could mean a promotion.
8. If you do not like my work, tell everyone. I like
my name to be popular in conversations. I was
born to be whipped.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, do not
write them down. In fact, save them until the job is
almost done. No use confusing me with useful
information.
10. Never introduce me to the people you are with.
I have no right to know anything. In the corporate
food chain, I am plankton. When you refer to them
later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I am doing for
you could really change your life and send you
straight to manager's hell.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has
any and it is nice to know someone is less fortunate.
I especially like the story about having to pay so
many taxes on the bonus check you received for
being such a good manager.
13. Wait until my yearly review and THEN tell me
what my goals SHOULD have been. Give me a
mediocre performance rating with a cost of living
increase. I am not here for the money anyway.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Jun 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EDT