Subject: Mr. Right Rejection Letter
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Jan 16 2001 - 20:30:39 EST
"The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form"
Dear (____rejectee's name here____ ),
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated
from further contention as my Mr. Right. As you are
probably aware, the competition was exceedingly
tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such
as yourself also failed to make the final cut.
I will, however, keep your name on file should an
opening become available. So that you may find
better success in your future romantic endeavors,
please allow me to offer the following reason(s)
you were disqualified from the competition:
[Check all those that apply]
___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.
___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine
taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date
has been at McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find
unappealing.
___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms
by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested
in me for something other than my personality.
___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you
20 questions about yourself before you asked me one.
___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT
into my pants, then you can't GET into my pants.
___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?"
comment, given the 9-months pregnant size of
Your Own beer gut, was inappropriate.
___ You failed the credit check.
___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily
unappealing.
___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned
reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too
often in conversation.
___ You still live with your parents, and attending
night classes to get your High School diploma, are
slight negatives.
___ You mention your ex-wife's name more than
you mention mine.
___ Your gift of a 2 oz. Hershey Bar, with almonds ,
showed style.
___ Three final words.... Size does matter.
Sincerely,
[Your name here]
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Thu Feb 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EST