Subject: How To Photograph A New Puppy
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Sep 15 2000 - 06:39:34 EDT
"How To Photograph A New Puppy"
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and
throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee
grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return
to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on
knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with
other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and
throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the
scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking
toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera
for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff
of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Call spouse to clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve
to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in
the morning.
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