Subject: It's A Dog's Life
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Sep 09 2000 - 02:51:29 EDT
"Dog Killer"
A highly timid Casper Milquetoast, a little man,
ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and
clearing his throat asked, "................ah, err,
which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman
tied outside to the parking meter?"
A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his
body hair growing out through the seams, turned
slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering
little man and said, "It's my dog. Why?"
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very
nervous, "I believe my dog just killed it, sir."
"What?" roared the big man in disbelief. "What
in hell kind of dog do you have?"
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week
old puppy."
"That's crap!" roared the biker, "How could your
puppy kill my Doberman?!?"
"It appears that he choked on it, sir."
*****************************
"It's A Dog's Life"
"We will not have him put down. Lucky is
basically a damn good guide dog," Ernst
Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told
reporters. "He just needs a little brush-up
on some elementary skills, that's all."
Gerber admitted to the press conference
that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog
for the blind, had so far been responsible
for the deaths of all four of his previous
owners. "I admit it's not an impressive record
on paper. He led his first owner in front of a
bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He
actually pushed his third owner off a railway
platform just as the Cologne-to-Frankfurt
express was approaching, and he walked his
fourth owner into heavy traffic, before
abandoning him and running away to safety.
But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely
temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to
train these days."
Asked if Lucky's fifth owner would be told
about his previous record, Gerber replied:
"No. It would make them nervous, and would
make Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets
nervous he's liable to do something silly."
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