Subject: The Day Of The Election
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Nov 25 2000 - 04:22:24 EST
"Florida Lottery"
Guess what?!?!? I won the lottery..I'm gonna be rich!!
I won the Florida lottery! I'm now a multimillionaire!
Can you believe it?!? I'm bouncing off the walls
here! You see, my ticket doesn't have the exact
winning numbers on it, but I meant to pick those
winning numbers. The ticket was very confusing
when I was filling it out and so I ended up with the
wrong numbers on my card.
But since I really meant to pick those other numbers,
they're going to give me the money anyway!!!! They
really shouldn't make those darn cards so hard to
fill out!!! And even though I was confused, I didn't
ask for help because no one would have helped
me anyway and I didn't want to appear like I didn't
know what I was doing. Isn't it nice of Florida to
give the money anyway.
I know, if the FL State Lottery won't give me the
money, I'll just sue them!!!
****************************************
"The Day Of The Election"
'Twas the day of the election, when all through the land
the people were voting by machine or by hand.
The candidates had returned to their home states
again with hopes for a victory, a belief that they'd win.
And George with his Cheney, and Al with his Leiber,
were watching returns, and it wasn't a sleeper.
The Republicans tuned up their voting machine
to get out lots of votes, they hoped some would be
Green.
The donkeys were kickin', and elephants stompin',
but what was this Green thing in the fields that was rompin'?
A spoiler Dems called him. George thought "He's not bad,"
He liked Ralph so much he even bought him some ads.
Oregon looked like it might be the ticket
but it wound up in Florida that they just couldn't pick it.
It looked like Al won; exit polls all agreed.
But Jeb called his brother, "That's not what I see!"
They pulled Florida back; the networks all listened.
But neither could win with Florida missin'.
When what to my wondering ears should I hear,
but a ballot with two marks where one should appear.
Vote Bush! Vote Gore! Vote Nader, and Browne!
Vote Buchanan! Vote Harris, any more to be found?
Vote for two, vote for three, vote for any amount.
George won't win in Palm Beach, he doesn't want them to count.
With this many candidates how do you list them?
Alphabetical? No, flip a coin and then mix them!
They must go from top to the bottom, understood?
OK, but let's mix them, and mix them up good.
The ballot's not legal, but county leaders said fine.
George said "I like this, those votes were not mine".
He tried his best to act very regal,
but it's hard to take charge when the ballot's not legal.
"I have an idea," shouted George with glee,
"I'll win the election. It'll be fair, you'll see."
"Let's toss a coin, let a quarter decide.
If it's heads then Al loses, if it's tails I preside."
"Hold on there a minute," said Al with a grin,
"Let's count them again, and I bet that I'll win."
But George said "No, I want an injunction!"
(Without all these lawyers we just couldn't function).
"Don't hand count," said George, "That's just too much work.
I liked the first count, double voters are jerks."
But after you've made a mistake, what to do?
Are there extra ballots for all those who need two?
Well, not really, but don't worry about a hole or a dent
You can have another ballot if you're the top one percent.
And what about this Electoral College?
That sounds like a place where there ought to be knowledge.
Maybe they'll think that the winner should win,
(or maybe they won't cause the margin's too thin).
Don't know how it will end, but I know it's not right
When so much is at stake and the vote is this tight.
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